Afraid of Nothing

Not to spoil the ending for you, but everything is going to be okay.

I love this shirt, “Afraid of Nothing”!  I often look back over my life and wonder what I could have done if I was not afraid,  how many more lives I could have touched.  Looking back with a “what if” attitude makes me sad and uncomfortable. So moving forward, I will live my life as if I am “Afraid of Nothing”. I use the term ‘as if’, because if the truth be told I am afraid of most things, having earned the nickname Scary Sherry from some of my college friends and it still holds a little truth today.

The people who know me wouldn’t think I was afraid of anything. Let me sum it up real quick.  I moved over to 800 miles from New York to South Carolina to go to college…no big deal most youngsters do that.  I moved across the country to train (track and field)  in the frozen tundra known as Wyoming sight unseen…ok.  An Olympic team and a Master’s degree later it was a great decision.  I moved back to SC and showed up ready to train for the 2004 Olympic team…ok! That second team didn’t work out as planned…but I did earn 16 national titles over the course of my career. I marched into the Athletic Director’s office at South Carolina and convinced him to hire me for a job I that I wasn’t even sure I had enough experience to do…no problem, I  got the job done.  Then moved to the San Francisco Bay Area knowing only one person in NoCal for a job at a university I’d never heard of…you got it, I did that!  Left there blessed beyond measure befriending some of the best people I’ve ever met in my life.  Moved to LA (lots happened here), now doing my best to rebuild, refocus and excel…yes, I got this!   So what am I afraid of?  Practically EVERYTHING ELSE!

I am often afraid that things won’t add up.  Is everything I’ve been doing the past 20 years what I should be doing or the next 20 years?

The comparison game is real and so unhealthy! I should be here by now, I should have this by now, I should be so far in my career by now.  I should be able to fit those doggone skinny jeans by now. What am I working out and eating all these brussell sprouts for? I should know how to write in AP style by now, back off grammar police!  I know I am not the only person that feels this way.  Everywhere we look there is something telling up to do more, have more, chase more.  The more we do, the more we have to do.  It’s like a treadmill that you never get off, I hate treadmills.

I am beginning to realize that “by now” is an imaginary timeline we put on ourselves.  We plan our days often down to the minute, and heaven help us if things don’t go our way.  It took some major bumps in the road for me to realize most things won’t go my way, and that’s ok.  I’ve adjusted before and been just fine. That gives me the confidence to know that everything will be ok moving forward.

Like I mentioned in my first post, I’ve been doing the work to be okay and my faith is growing every day. Having faith that everything will be okay is not easy and some days it seems impossible.  But its far better than worry, doubt, and fear.  I look forward to each day, every challenge and every triumph, Afraid of Nothing, and certain in this uncertainty that everything will be okay!

Notes: Top LaneBryant, photos Fatema Bell