Birthday Feels

Today is my birthday, and for a while now I have been in my feelings about it.  For as long as I can remember I’ve been a victim of “The Checklist” mentality.

By 25 I should have done this.

By 30 I should have had that.

By 35 I should have accomplished this.

By 40 I should have reached there.

And now at 45, I should have it all figured out.

Does anyone feel me on this? Whether it’s life, love, family, or career, I’m often worried why aren’t I there yet?   If you had asked me 20 years ago where I would be today, my plans were quite different.  Things rarely go as planned.
I am not really sure why I am so emotional about this birthday,  I love birthdays!  Maybe because I’m getting older and the boxes that should have been checked are not checked off of my checklist. For the last few weeks, my tendency to feel anxious about what’s next, or what I’ve missed out on, who I should have let in, and who I should have kicked out, and all those funny feelings, has been at an all-time high.  I am doing the suggested self-talk, I am saying my prayers,  and I am vibing with good people who are pouring into me.  All the things I think I should be doing, but those funny feelings don’t want to subside.
So what I’ve decided to do with the rest of my years, months, days and minutes is just live one step at a time.  I’m getting rid of the “woulda, coulda shouldas” and the “by this ages” and the “I’m too old for thats” and doing my best to simply live.  Moving forward, I want to live in complete gratitude.  To be grateful for all the beautiful people in my life, my experiences both good and bad, the days that may have broken my heart and those that were full of sunshine. So, as I grow one year older I am thankful for whatever this year brings. Instead of being anxious about what’s next, I  am looking forward to this year to be one of the greatest yet in full anticipation of the very best!

T-shirt: JCrew (here)

Jeans: Lucky Brand from Macy’s (similar here)